I’m not used to death, it’s not something i’ve had to deal with much at all in my life, thank goodness. I didn’t realize the cloud that hangs over everything you do following the death of a loved one I don’t know what I was expecting, I didn’t expect to even be upset, but to merely except it as nature taking her course and move on. It’s only hitting me now how absolutely horrible this has been.
I’m so sorry nana, that I didn’t visit as much as I could have, and that I didn’t call when I thought I should have, you died the next day and I could have had one last talk with you. The last thing you said to me ever was “Neeve, see you later” and you gave me this look, like you almost knew you wouldn’t, but that was before you were even in hospital. I’m sorry I didn’t make it one last time.
I’m terrified funerals, never been to the funeral of a loved one before, tomorrow will be the first ever and i’m scared. I will be wearing your rings and your perfume, I will say goodbye properly, Thank you so much for everything you’ve ever done for me, and say hello to grandad.
Sleep well, beautiful.